The Courage to Be a Photographer
I was idling at Caffe Fiore in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle the other day, writing an article and enjoying being out of the house. Most of the tables there are long and communal, and like most modern coffee shops, frequently occupied by folks like me tapping on computers or iPads.
A woman approached. “Mind if I share your table?”
“Of course not,” I said as she sat opposite me. My table–our table, now–was long enough to fit four people, and I assumed she would occupy the empty space to the left. Instead, she opened her laptop directly across from me.
She was unexpectedly attractive: Early twenties, cream-colored skin, long red hair that spilled from a thrift-store-hip fuzzy hood that she never removed. A small nose piercing: two light blue stones connected to a thin rod through the flesh between her nostrils. And, when the jacket shifted at her neck and arms, evidence of multiple monochrome tattoos.
My face was flush. The portion of me that will always be linked to my younger self came forward in my consciousness. An attractive girl is nearby: freeze.
I turned my attention back to my laptop, but the sudden onset of fog in my brain prevented me from adding anything useful to my article for several minutes.
She typed on her laptop, angled it away from the rest of the cafe. Probably a Facebook chat or some other direct communication with a friend. Occasionally she chuckled.
Not wanting to be rude, I kept my head down and tried not to stare, but I did look up when she casually began braiding a long rope of that auburn hair.
And then she peered out the window.
Most people would look outside and offer a resigned sigh at the dreary gray Seattle weather, but photographically the light was fantastic. I saw the photo in my mind, highlights tickling the micro spikes of the hood’s fur, catchlight dancing in her eyes, the earthy oranges and browns of the cafe’s interior adding warmth to the scene.
All I had to do was ask. And that stopped me cold.
We were sharing the same space–almost literally, the lid of her laptop occasionally tapping mine as she frequently adjusted its position. Our “relationship” so far was cordial, she asking permission to share the space and I granting it. But I didn’t know how to make the request.
“Hi, I’m a photographer and I couldn’t help but notice the light looks really great on you. Would you mind if I took a few pictures of you looking out the window like that again?”
That’s probably exactly what I should have said. But just like being 14 again, imagining a conversation and actually starting one felt like an impossible leap. I didn’t know if it would seem rude to ask, or weird that this 41-year-old guy in a cafe is asking a young woman to take her picture. Would I come off as a lecherous jerk with a digital camera?
I won’t know. I couldn’t build the courage to ask before it was time for me to leave.
When I consider the courage it takes to be a photographer, I rightly think of what’s required to be a photojournalist in war zones or other difficult situations. Or, the persistence to brave inclement weather and wait for hours to grab an elusive shot.
But courage, I need to remind myself, is also the act of speaking up, of asking a polite question in the moment. I wasn’t afraid of the answer. She might have said yes, she could have said no. Instead, I missed a series of great shots because I was afraid of the asking.
The next time this happens–and there will be a next time–I need to push that hesitation back down into my gut and speak up. I’ll have some photo cards with me to provide at least a little proof that I’m not a nut. And I’ll do the courageous thing: ask.
Jeff is a contributor to PET, and author of Photoshop Elements 10 for Windows and Mac OS X: Visual QuickStart Guide
Barbara
October 28, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Thank you for sharing the vulnerability of the moment that passed you by. And thank you for inspring me to have the guts to ask next time.
Vivian
December 21, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Great article. So inspiring. I’m not a photographer…not even close, but I have missed many opportunities to get a good shot simply because I was afraid to ask.
Sharon
October 28, 2011 at 5:17 pm
What a great article … I sometimes feel I lack courage even when I am the assigned photographer for the event. Intimate moments you spot at events … between couples, especially, I feel a little intrusive. Yet I have gone ahead and shot (from as far away as I can) and the photos are wonderful. I try to put myself in your position, and I don’t know that I’d have had any more hutzpah than you did!! I am female, and I would be equally as reluctant.
Linda
October 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm
I was thinking while I read your story that perhaps you could have rustled through your ‘stuff’ and casually laid the camera on the table….maybe she would have noticed and that would have opened the door to a conversation.
Steve
October 28, 2011 at 11:34 pm
What a nice article, thank you so much for sharing. I am a dead give a way for a photographer….camera always strapped to my side, I-phone instead of laptop at places like yours but I still hesitate with the same reasons. Thank you again.
Julie
October 29, 2011 at 5:12 am
I feel badly that you missed this shot because the way you described the scene, it surely would have been splendid. And I relate fully. I have never once, in the many years I’ve used a camera, asked a stranger if I could photograph them despite seeing many I’d love to photograph. I’m glad you shared your experience and also hope that you may give us an update some day as you work your way out of your existing comfort zone.
Jack
October 29, 2011 at 6:33 am
Thank you for the nice article Jeff. I have been faced at times with the same situation; having that part of me “freeze”…afraid of how I am received by asking to take a photo. Then, there have been times I have drummed up the courage to ask without much effort. I’m not sure why it becomes so easy in some situations and others…nearly impossible. Is it the answer you may get…or the failure of the outcome of the photo, even though knowing full and well of your skills as a photographer. The sharing of this article will allow me to push that “envelope of hesitation” even more. Thank you again!
Jan
October 29, 2011 at 7:37 am
Thanks Jeff. That a great story. I like the magazine, but I sometimes get the impression that it is mostly a magazine for people with small children. So thanks for an “adult” story. It has happened to me too, lost shots because I did not have the guts to speak up. Next time I’ll remember you and your story and maybe workup the courage to get that terrific shot.
Bob
October 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm
I spent over 25 years doing wedding, portrait and event photography and the first thing my teacher and mentor drilled into me was you have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone and be able to take control of your fear and present yourself with confidence. People can sense your self doubt and it will cause them to hesitate. Don’t be forcefully but pleasant and firm, at least in your own mind. That is the biggest block, your own mind. He also drilled into me that not to ask is an automatic NO, but to ask is at worst a 50/50 chance. I have never regretted having followed this advice.
Michael
October 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Here’s what I suggest: Tell yourself, “This is my job, this is what I do, this is who I am — a photographer.” Then ask if you could take the shot. Whether you get paid in cash or satisfaction, give It a try. The worst that can happen is she’ll say, “No”. The best that can happen is the shot of a lifetime — take your pick!
Skipper Mike
Lynn
November 1, 2011 at 9:37 am
I hope Rick read this because occupy Portland is a world of great photos and you may not need to ask.
Your writing skills are not shabby, either.
Patricia
January 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm
So true!!
Tatiana
November 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Great article! Thank you for sharing it with us. I did see myself in it. Constantly fighting with myself trying to find that courage to ask or just to take the shot.
Cheryl
November 15, 2011 at 7:42 am
Interesting article and dilemma. Seems like asking to take someone’s photo might result in needing to answer a few questions as well: what do you plan to do with my photo? can I get a copy of my photo? for example. Answers to these questions might determine someone’s willingness, so it would help to think them through in advance.
Patricia
January 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm
As I read your article I was so hoping you’d have the courage to take that photo. I wanted to see her. She sounds so beautiful, in a perfect lighting situation and wouldn’t it have been wonderful. But, in the end, you didn’t and truthfully it’s a lesson to all of us. I so know where you are with that and obviously so do a lot of us.
It’s really a compliment to have someone want to take your photo so why don’t we do it? Next time I see a shot I’m going to DO IT!! I’m promising myself right now that I will. Hope you do, too. Maybe we all will from reading your post. Good luck all…and Happy New Year!! Ah, maybe it can be a New Year’s resolution we actually keep.
Matthew
January 4, 2012 at 10:00 am
The same thing went through my mind. After reading the description (a great mental photo), I already had a picture of the girl in my head.
Go get that picture…
Matthew
January 4, 2012 at 9:52 am
Just really a beginner to the whole photography scene (I’ve take pictures my whole life without thinking I’m a photograper) I find myself looking at things from a completely different perspective. Things that seem average or normal life catch my attention a lot more. I find myself thinking as you did. This would be a great shot, but should I ask. Thanks for sharing and inspiring. I think I’ll make up some cards too…seems like a great idea.
Marti
January 30, 2012 at 10:45 am
Great article Jeff! I am sure that most of us have faced that particular moment when we can see the perfect shot in our minds . . . in fact, you described it so vividly that I have my own visualization of that “perfect shot” right now! Sometimes, even when someone has asked me to shoot a birthday party or some other celebration, I stay in the shadows to get my shots. I feel like I am intruding on the guests privacy . . . even though I was asked to take the photos! But, back to your situation . . . I think business cards would help build your confidence to at least ask . . . I learned a very long time ago . . . all anyone can do is say no! Thanks again for sharing the potential photograph!